Everyday I ask myself this question and I cannot seem to find the answer whatsoever. It's my fault to begin with. Ever since I was little I have been wearing masks to hide what I really am. Yet that is a relative question for I show different faces depending on my situation. I can be a major asshole when you fuck with me the wrong way, or I can be that nice guy who let you borrow some money without expecting to be paid back. I can be very proficient in my work environment, but be a slob and lazy ass at home. Over all, the one thing that really is consistant about me is that I like to be alone, granted that I've been alone for about 13 plus years, and that I have become more independent than I should be.
If you ever see me in the open world, you'll most likely see me on my own with my ipod to full blast, And if you try to talk to me when I have my ear buds on and I don't respond, don't take it personal and think that I am purposely ignoring you because the truth is that I am purposely ignoring the entire world for the sake that I really don't care what the hell is going on around me. Like I said, don't take it personal, I just have more important things to worry about than what the new gas prices are. Not to mention that I am clinically depressed and continue to fall into a depression state every now and then (god, friends tend to suck when they don't realize that one of your buddies is down in the dumps).
I honestly do not know what I really am anymore. I have worn too many masks since I became aware of the fact that I was a chronic depressant (I was 5 when I realized it) to remember what my true and real face is, or was. It has been too long since I've worn my real face in the outside world. I have just realized that I never mentioned the cause or the reason as to why I am depressed and why I really don't give a fuck about the outside world. Well the reason for my depression is best left for another day. The reason for my lack of caring, on the other hand, is because the world around me saw to see fit that I get screwed over in every possible sense. I have tried to be that ray of hope humanity needs by helping out everyone one person at a time, but when it comes to giving me a little help (keyword is "little") they end up stabbing me in the back with a chainsaw and leave me doing all the work by myself. Well, in any case, I will end this blog here and post another one when I get the time, urge, or when I get drunk enough to do so.
Signing off
Lunar Wolf: Nocturne of Howls
